All I ever wanted was a best friend of my choice who can understand me.
Yes, you are gone.
I won’t see you anymore.
I won’t run into you anymore.
I won’t go to your academic blocks to see you, anymore.
I won’t bunk classes and free myself to meet you, anymore.
I won’t make stupid excuses to look at you, anymore.
I won’t call you with cute sobriquets, anymore.
I won’t develop the desire to see you with bindi, anymore.
I won’t notice the way you adjust your hair, anymore.
I won’t notice the way you walk, anymore.
I won’t tease you, anymore.
I won’t notice the colour of your outfit, anymore.
I won’t look at your timetable everyday before mine, anymore.
I won’t save your display picture, anymore.
I won’t tag you in stupid memes on facebook, anymore.
I won’t fantasize you 24/7 in my mind, anymore.
My eyes won’t search you in the campus crowd, anymore.
I won’t ask you out for a coffee, anymore.
I won’t eat next to where you ate, anymore.
I won’t ask you to call me ‘da’, anymore.
I won’t go to the places where you went, anymore.
I won’t roam where you used to roam, anymore.
I won’t be afraid to laugh like a fool, thinking what you might think about me, anymore.
I won’t torture my close friends to hear me boast about you, anymore.
I won’t get jealous from the guy you used to roam around with, anymore.
I won’t find reasons to text you, anymore.
I won’t blush or smile when a girl passes in front of me, anymore.
I won’t be able to love someone as much as I loved you, anymore.
I won’t be able to give my 100% to someone, anymore.
I won’t be able to see girls with short height and not think of you, anymore.
I won’t be able to hear your name and not think about you, anymore.
I won’t be able to live here without you, anymore.
I won’t be able to let you go because I won’t let you take me away from me, anymore.
Dear Ex Crush,
I will not write your name but by now you already know that I am talking about you. I am calling you an “Ex Crush” because you are gone but this is not entirely true because I can’t stop liking or thinking of you as mine. I am writing this to tell you about things that I never got a chance to say.
You were never my choice but somehow you became my top priority.
Even though you weren’t a part of our so-called gang, you were always in my talks with them. I always thought that my crush on you was really stupid and it’ll pass with time but it never did.
Whatever we had in our non-existent relationship was all in my head, which never turned to reality. I barely knew you, yet I was so amazed by you that it scared me. I was kind of addicted. I felt vulnerable every time you were around.
I was always scared to talk to you. I used every possible way to talk to you but I never had the courage at first place. After a lot of thinking and gathering my courage, I started a conversation with you in person, face to face. My legs were shaking by then. Though I managed to say what I wanted to say, I appeared more of a stalker to you. We got a bit close through whatsapp in the beginning ,it went great but later I realised that the only conversations we had were about things I asked you, you just replied.
I envied the people who could easily talk to you or be around you. Crazy right? I know. I tried every thing to get your attention and I did. Didn’t I? Thinking about you gives me chills even today.
Love, I dont really had too many heartbreaks and I was not ready for one either but it did break me eventually. I don’t blame you. I feel like I’m just setting myself up for failure.*Every time*
I’m having tears in my eyes and its pouring on my mobile screen as I write these lines and I don’t have control of it even. This might make you feel that I’m too weak to handle anything but I haven’t cried this way for anything for past 6 years. You have always labeled me as a deep shit thinker for showing my feelings towards you but you failed to look in to me for who I really am. I always fought with you for taking me for granted and wanting to have your little time which I would have cherished for my lifetime. As a boy girl thing I have never asked anything sexually from you other than hearing your voice daily. I will stop chasing you now. I will stop thinking about you. It is insane what you can do to me just by looking at me. You affected me that much. You once said, “You are over relationships because of your caste and stuff”, and yet you have a boyfriend now, who sees you frequently and look at me, I was trying to snatch something away from him. I am not. I am done trying.
I need to say sorry for what I have done to you in the efforts to see you smile and laugh. And I fucking mean it this time. I have been a monster at times but thanks for embracing me at times.
Sometimes, I lead myself on. I plan out things in my head and prepare for the future together. I don’t know why I do that, I just can’t help it. I enjoy being around you and I see US together even though we never will be.
Sometimes I feel too much and I feel like sharing my story with you but you’ll never understand because maybe it is easy for you to get a guy of your choice. You’re quite a charmer yourself and I am nowhere close to where you belong. Well at last, the only thing that breaks me is, you never even noticed the efforts I made.
You kept ignoring and I kept on hoping like a lovesick puppy but it all ends now. I hope you and your “Boyfriend” have a happy life together because whatever happens, you’ll always matter to me and I want you to be happy. Finally, I can move on because you’re gone. We’ll probably cross each other’s paths soon.
-Signing off with a smile 💝